Recipe

"A dry martini," [Bond] said. "One. In a deep champagne goblet."

"Oui, monsieur."

"Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?"

"Certainly, monsieur." The barman seemed pleased with the idea.

"Gosh, that's certainly a drink," said Leiter.

Bond laughed. "When I'm...er...concentrating," he explained, "I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink's my own invention. I'm going to patent it when I can think of a good name."

—Ian Fleming, Casino Royale, Chapter 7, 'Rouge et Noir'

I think we can all tell from the quote above that James Bond is a dick. Interestingly, it seems that in the books he's a pretentious bore as well as an arrogant womaniser – I can't imagine who would want to hear someone drone on and on about cocktail recipes all day. I especially love how both the bartender and Leiter seem to compliment Bond on his choice, as if his ordering a drink somehow brightened up their day.

The drink isn't for me. The zest is overpowering, and the addition of vodka to a dry martini really just adds alcohol and removes flavour (see previous). But maybe it just wasn't "very well-made".

Note that I used Caorunn instead of Gordon's (it's what I had in), and Martini extra dry instead of Kina Lillet (which they stopped making in 1986). I very nearly stirred it just to be contrary.

Recipe

• 45ml white rum

• 20ml lime juice (~½ lime)

• 10ml grenadine

Shake with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

Very nice! I enjoyed my daiquiri, and this is the same thing but with grenadine instead of sugar syrup. If the daiquiri was boring, this is interesting, with the yummy rich red berry flavours balancing perfectly with the sharp lime, and allowing the strong alcohol and pleasant but subtle flavour of the rum to come through. Delicious!

It's a bit confusing that this drink has the same name as one of its ingredients (the white rum), but I guess that's the same as 'martini', which refers to both a cocktail and a brand of vermouth that can be used to make it.

Sorry for the stock image, but I was drinking this in the dark and trying not to wake Claire, so I couldn't take a photo easily.

Recipe

• 8 parts gin

• 1 part pineapple juice

• 1 part orange juice

• 1 part lemon juice

• 1 part sugar syrup

• Dash of Angostura bitters

Shake everything together with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

Not too bad! Certainly a satisfyingly strong drink, with the fruit not hiding the gin at all. But I must admit I found it a bit too sour or bitter or something. I actually added a cherry towards the end, and that slight sweetness picked it up a bit. It's no Aviation.

Recipe

• 1 rehydration sachet

• 200ml water

Stir with ice until the powder is completely dissolved, and then strain into a cocktail glass. Add a thin slice of lime for extra decoration and vitamin C.

A slightly odd taste, with more salt than I'm accustomed to in anything but a margarita. Its smooth savoury sweetness is reminiscent of bananas, but nothing like as pleasant.

Claire had a headache, and that headache went away after she drank this. It's the opposite of most cocktails in that respect.

Recipe

• 60ml pineapple juice

• 40ml vodka

• 30ml Chambord

Shake thoroughly with ice (to get a good "head") and strain into a martini glass.

Much fruitier and sweeter than my IBA-approved first attempt, and to my surprise, an improvement. It's not a sophisticated, dry affair you can boast about to your awful cocktail friends, but it's a delicious sweet puddingy drink, with character and depth, which I could easily drink several of without finding it too sickly.

I should mention that I used "Pineapple juice with a hint of lime", so perhaps a little less Chambord would be better if using standard pineapple juice, to avoid too much sweetness. Goes well with a game of Carcassonne and/or a chunk of pineapple.

Note that it's not as red as the stock photo I used; like all the red Manhattan photos you see, I'm guessing the photographer got carried away with the saturation setting on their camera. It looks a lot darker and browner in real life, and the foam on top really justifies its nickname, "Girly Guinness".

Recipe

• 6 parts champagne (or similar)

• 1 part Chambord

Pour the Chambord into a champagne glass, then add the champagne on top, taking care not to let it fizz up and spill like I did. Using 25ml Chambord and topping up to a normal glass-full should be about right.

Delightful! I've tried this cocktail's cousin, Kir Royale, made with crème de cassis, but this is much nicer, with the champagne basically just acting as a pleasant base for the more interesting taste of the rich raspberry liqueur. And yes, I realise I'm sort of implying that wine doesn't really taste of anything.

Wikipedia has a list of other Kir variations, many of which I'd like to try at some point. I may revisit this. I actually used Prosecco, so I guess I should call this a Chiro Imperiallo or something. I'll leave it for now.

Recipe

• 3 parts tequila

• 6 parts orange juice

• 1 part grenadine

Fill a wine glass with ice, add the tequila and orange juice, and finally the grenadine, which will sink to the bottom. Stir so that the grenadine rises and forms a nice gradient, but that never happens so just stir till you make a mess and get fed up and it still looks rubbish. Garnish with an orange slice.

This tasted alright, but I really did have trouble making the gradient effect. As pictured, I ended up pouring more grenadine on top of the orange slice so it might soak in and blend down or something, but no such luck. I pretty much just drank the tequila and orange followed by a massive hit of syrup. Which wasn't too unpleasant actually.

I suspect I should add the ice later, since it makes it quite difficult to stir. Next time, gradient first, then ice.

Recipe

• 4 parts gin

• 1 part dry vermouth

Fill a cocktail shaker with gin and vermouth to the brim, in such a way that there's no room for any ice. Panic, and pour some out into the first bowl you have to hand. Put the bowl in the fridge overnight and frighten your girlfriend when she goes to get raspberries in the morning. Remove from the fridge in the evening. Add ice to the bowl and stir with a chopstick, then awkwardly remove the ice with a spoon. Strain into a cocktail glass. Put four cocktail onions (available in Morrison's) onto a cocktail stick and add.

Despite the confused preparation of this drink, it easily stands up to the versions with olives (1 2). If pickled onions sound horrible in a drink, remember how weird olives in a drink would sound if you'd never heard of that before. If anything, these are less weird, because they're tiny, delicate, and quite sweet, complimenting the flavours of the gin and vermouth nicely. Definitely a nice alternative.

I assume normal sweet silverskin pickled onions would be nice, though maybe just one or two. I wouldn't fancy trying a full-on chip-shop-style giant spicy pickled onion, but I'd love to hear whether anyone's tried it. The same aisle in Morrison's has "cocktail gherkins" which is getting a bit weird.

I'll pay money to anyone who tries it with a pickled egg.

Recipe

• 6 parts brandy

• 1 part vodka

• 1 part mint syrup

Shake together with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Make the mint syrup in advance by mixing equal weights sugar and boiling water until dissolved, then adding lots of fresh mint to infuse for 24 hours, and straining.

Better than my first attempt, a difference which I think just came down to the amount of syrup. This was much less sickly and more bracing. That said, my mint syrup really isn't minty enough – maybe I should've soaked it for a few days, or boiled it in a pan with the mint. More experiments necessary.

Recipe

• 6 parts Scarborough Fair gin

• 1 part dry vermouth

Shake or stir with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Put three olives on a sprig of rosemary (or a cocktail stick) and add.

Claire made some gin just before Christmas and called it Scarborough Fair – she took vodka and added juniper berries, along with parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme for about 24 hours before straining and bottling.It makes a lovely gin and tonic, but a good way to test a gin is to see how it goes in a dry martini, so here we are.

It goes very well! There's a massive overpowering hit of herbs, but it's recognisably gin, and the salty olives go very well with the savoury flavours. I imagine it would go nicely with meat or roast potatoes, for obvious reasons. But even on its own, it's a delightful treat, and I'll be encouraging Claire to make more.

By the way, Sherry is a good substitute for vermouth – it's what we did at my mum's at Christmas.